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Messages - ToastyJester

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1
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: February 12, 2011, 11:50:10 am »
>Pick that **** up. Its shiney as **** and god damnit I love shiney things.

You pick up the SMALL BLUE GEM and study it in your palm. You are suddenly overcome with the urge to squeeze on the SMALL BLUE GEM hard.

-->



The SMALL BLUE GEM disappears.

-->

You check your STATUS SCREEN and find you have gained one ALPHA POINT. You'll find out what this is for at a later ti-
Screw it I'll explain it for you now so you don't forget about it. ALPHA POINTS can be used to CREATE and MODIFY things. The more points you have in your possession the more intricate things you can CREATE or the extent you can MODIFY, the higher your INTELLIGENCE the higher the MAX ALPHA POINTS.
While I'm laying this crap out for you, let's explain FOOD POINTS. FOOD POINTS can be converted to HEALTH at a rate of 1 FOOD/HEALTH. You can also use FOOD POINTS at STAT TRAINING PLACES, which I'm sure you'll figure out a way of reaching at some point.

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The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: February 06, 2011, 06:06:57 pm »
>Taunt it with the bacon. Say that you'll make him part of a healthy breakfast. Then deliver an awesome strike with flashy moves and complicated combos.

You put away your KATANA and whip out your FROZEN BACON. You use your TAUNT ability, showing that pig you mean BUSINESS. You are the salesman and he is the customer and you are selling PAIN and ANGUISH and you aren't leaving until you are all out of stock. Sadly, using your TAUNT ability took up your turn, and all it did was make the CRIMSON PIG angrier! You prepare for an attack!

In a rage it launches through the air and spins to smack you across the face with it's hind hooves. He adds more pain to your brain with a SQUEEL OF DOOM. You shiver as indescribable images surge through your brain at the arrival of this auditory assault. IT CAUSES MASSIVE DAMAGE!

You would deliver some SWEET MOVES and PHAT COMBOS but you don't have the DEXTERITY. You simply leap across the room and smack your KATANA across the CRIMSON PIG's head.

You prepare to fight some more, but it would appear the CRIMSON PIG was already BADLY DAMAGED. He lets out a DEATH SQUEEL and dissolves into the floor...

Leaving behind nothing but a SMALL BLUE GEM.

3
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: February 01, 2011, 04:29:42 pm »
>See if there is anything in that door. Looks like a pantry. Might be something in there that would be useful to strengthen yourself up, or in other words, make you less of a pansy.

You enter the PANTRY, surprised to find the door works. The room hardly looks like a PANTRY, in fact it has no food in it what so ever, only a garden box with nothing but dirt inside. Seems like nothing out of the no-

OH ****. A CRIMSON PIG APPEARS! It wants to fight!

4
Legacy Systems/Multiplatform Gaming / Re: Dead Space 2
« on: January 29, 2011, 07:58:46 am »
Alright I got the game, beat it, and it was really good. I love how Isaac now has a face and a voice, it makes for easier attachment and worse death scenes because you can at times actually see his face.

Great stuff.

5
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 22, 2011, 04:02:42 pm »
>Pick up the laptop. It can be used later to store IMPORTANT NOTES and stuff. Also, when its charged, you can play solitaire. Go solitaire!
>search for a knife to wield, pick up if found.  go through door.

You put the LAPTOP in your INVENTORY and shove the NOTE you found on the door inside it. The LAPTOP holds the NOTE firmly within it's grip. That piece of paper ain't goin nowhere. Not like it would be able to. It was already in your NOTES LIBRARY. You look around for a KNIFE and test all the cupboards, but do not find any are able to open. There is a KATANA on top of the shelf though.

>turn on TV and see what is going on outside because apparently this is some apocalypse otherwise there would be ambient sounds and you would be able to go outside. That or you were kidnapped and placed here. Ring your mate.

You have no way to contact your buddy, so you just flip on that TV. You find there is no way to change the channel, luckily for you however, it is already set on CHANNEL FORTY TWO NEWS. This is a good station, and that anchorwoman, CANDY WINTERS is pretty hot. The anchorman, RON SLEUTH, totally wears a toupee though, you don't trust a word he says.

In other news, meteorologists are baffled as an unusually large storm continues to rage over the Pacific and Indian Oceans. This coupled with the reports of a mass penguin migration northward has many doomsday-sayers claiming that an apocalypse is near. The U.S. Government has assured it's citizens that they have their top scientists working on the situation to find a cause.

Speaking of those penguin migrations Candy, today scientists in the north pole have called in saying that the penguins finally arrived at their long awaited destination. They were however met on arrival by groups of polar bears, armed to the teeth with fangs and teeth. Scientists and nature lovers watched in terror as the adorable aquatic birds were mauled and eaten, standing no chance against the pre-existing inhabitants who showed no interest in co-existing. I guess you could say those bears and penguins were POLAR OPPOSITES.

Hahaha oh Ron that joke was as terrible as that rat on top of your head. Could internet comics possibly cause their readers heads to explode from sheer hilarity? Find out if your child is in danger, after this commercial break.

You turn off the TV and have a moment of silence for the penguins lost.

>grab that sword, use it like a badass



You wield the KATANA like a total badass. Turns out it's not even sharp. You could still bash someone with it though until you find some way to SHARPEN or IMPROVE the blade.


You EQUIP the KATANA to your right hand. You have the STRENGTH to hold it, though there won't be much DAMAGE behind any ATTACK. Not like you'd have anything to fight or anything. Nope. Not in this kitchen.

6
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 16, 2011, 02:17:27 pm »
>Use the umbrella and give a mighty swing at that egg. Show it whose boss, man. This should at least do something interesting.



You give that EGG many a mighty swings, but to no avail. This sucker is tough. There is no way you will be breaking inside there any time soon. Guess you'll have to wait to see if it hatches, but you would need some kind of INCUBATOR for that. Whatever is inside must be something TOTALLY AWESOME though.

>eat the cheese, im sure you're hungry by now
>drink the orange juice so you don't get scurvy (duh).  power on the laptop, dig around for clues.


You down the bottle of ORANGE JUICE and shove that CHEESE into your gut to quench your hunger. You gain 5 FOOD POINTS from the ORANGE JUICE and another 2 from your CHEESE. Hell yeah!


You also go over to the LAPTOP to turn it on and search for CLUES, but to your horror, the laptop is dead and the CHARGER is nowhere in sight! Guess you won't be using this LAPTOP any time soon.

7
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 11, 2011, 07:39:40 pm »
>Get the bacon and cheese. Lettuce is for ****. You sir, will not become a ****. Becoming a **** is forbidden. Eh, take the OJ as well.

You shove those foods into your INVENTORY, when suddenly...

The toaster dings and a BATTERY soars out, you use your HERO CATCH Lvl 1. and catch that energy storing and transferring device in mid-air.

Your HERO CATCH Ability Levels Up to: HERO CATCH Lvl 2: NEWCOMER NAB You put the BATTERY in your INVENTORY and decide to check out what all you're carrying.

You should probably do something about all this space being taken up. Or not. Who knows.

8
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 10, 2011, 04:59:26 pm »
>make toast, and while you're waiting read the note on the door. DO IT ****

You would, but you don't have any BREAD! How can you make TOAST without any BREAD! That would be insane! Preposterous! Ridiculous! Silly even! You press down on the toaster anyway, soon it will ding and you can have your IMAGINARY TOAST.

While you wait you decide to read that note.

Wow what a nice dude. You should remember to write him a note back sometime.

>After reading the note, open up the fridge. Your thirsty for some god damn Sunny D and by god, you will get some motherfuckin' Sunny D. If the order is not fulfilled, I shall unleash the power of the sun.

You open that **** up.

Seems you've got some ORANGE JUICE, some MILK, FROZEN BACON, LETTUCE, and some CHEESE. That's great and all but WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN PINEAPPLES!?

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The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 09, 2011, 05:16:48 pm »
Alright I was persuaded to continue my work on this, so sorry for the crushing of a thousand childrens' dreams and the melting of a hundred brains.

>Blah blah blah Now, will you PLEASE go through the double doors?

You go through the double doors and find yourself in....
THE KITCHEN
For an apartment this place has some pretty homelike rooms.

10
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 07, 2011, 02:55:44 am »
Right I guess I give up on making these seeing how there's only going to be one person reading it and making suggestions. Fun while it lasted though.

11
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 03, 2011, 07:24:50 pm »
>God, you ****. You can't even lift an egg. Looks like its my job to be that voice that pushes you to the limits. OH, this WILL be fun. Alright, now, go into the double diner-looking doors. Yea, the ones behind you. By the way, every time you do a good job, you will bne rewarded with a imaginary sticker of a random fruit.


You promptly flick off the voice in your head and tell him to shove his stickers where the sun doesn't shine. I mean that EGG is god damn huge. The size of this EGG is UNREAL, an EGG like that doens't even HAPPEN. Who knows what kind of heavy thing is inside there, it could be a GOLDEN BOOK for all you know.

12
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 03, 2011, 05:10:05 pm »
>examine bookshelf
>examine orange orb
>peer down hallway
>see if door on side of room is locked

Woah woah woah! One command at a time! You can only take one suggestion from each voice in your schizophrenic head! Any more and you'd be showing favoritism for one voice over the other! Then there would be voice drama and they would never shut up and you would be driven to curling up into a fetal positioning and crying for THE END to come. You'll check out that bookshelf.

Bruce Willis' The Study of Parapsychology. You don't read these kinds of novels. These bookshelves are filled with books that were owned by the previous tenant of this apartment. You pull out another book.

Jim Carrey's What is Love, wherein famous actor Jim Carrey delves into the idea of "Love" and what it is, all while bopping his head to a catchy 90's dance song song. The text inside is very jittery because of his head bopping, how anyone could read this you have no idea. You check the back, but to make things even sadder, the book on tape is gone! You will never find out what love is now.

>Take the egg and crack it against your head and smear it in your head. You need some color, you pale freak.



Wow okay no need to be a dick. You struggle to pick up the EGG off the ground in order to crack your head against it. Sadly, you do not have the STRENGTH to hold the EGG up that high, so you decide to just put it in your inventory for safe keeping. You wonder what could lay an EGG this big.

>Play pool with your UMBRELLA, TRACE, and EGG

You wish you could play pool with your newly found items and your acquaintance TRACE, but you don't have enough BILLIARD BALLS! Instead you imagine playing pool with your UMBRELLA, TRACE, and EGG, but because of your low BRAINPOWER your IMAGINATION is fairly low. Stick figures and colours are all you can muster at the current moment, but you get the picture.

13
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: January 02, 2011, 06:06:03 pm »
>Grab the umbrella. This thing could be useful to defend yourself against any monstrosity dwelling in your apartment.
> Speak to Sean's head. It could give you the knowledge you need to find your way around.

You pocket the UMBRELLA for further usage. Not only can it protect you from the rain, you can poke someone pretty fierce with it. You reach down to pick up the head of James Roday, only to find it is a BUST OF JAMES RODAY. You decide to try speaking to it anyway.

Okay this is starting to freak you out a bit. You shove the bust into your inventory just to escape it's haunting gaze.

14
The Break Room / Re: What are you listening to?
« on: January 01, 2011, 06:48:57 pm »
Blackbird by Omni Anti
A pal of mine in Aus was telling us how his old English teacher was the person singing in this and I've had it stuck in my head for a while.

15
The Game Room / Re: Tale of Awe: A Comic You Create
« on: December 31, 2010, 06:57:49 pm »
>Look at Poster. It seems interesting.

You look at your poster. Your BEST FRIEND gave it to you to celebrate your move. He knows you love Pysch. He's a good friend. The best friend.

>pick up red ball
>INVENTORY SCREEN

You pick up the red ball. Oh wait this isn't just any ordinary red ball, this is a THREE BALL from a game of billiards! Red ball, what were you thinking? You open your inventory for the first time, curious as to what it does. It appears you now have NINE SPACES to hold objects without worrying about pockets or being weighed down! This must be what it's like to be a hero. Freaking sweet. While you would love for your inventory to be able to hold any object, you are quite certain that it can't hold REALLY BIG THINGS, that would just be illogical. You wonder what the limits are to your space sizes.

>leave apartment

You would love to leave your apartment, but sadly you aren't in the entrance room! Indeed, it would appear your apartment came with it's own library area, as you can clearly see when you turn around to face the other corners of the room. Speaking of the other corners of the room, there they are, in all their cornery glory. You can see two door ways here, one branching off to the left through the arches, and the other in the wall across the room.

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